Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
