Umm I'm too high to move.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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