how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
