There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
