Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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