history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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