Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
