Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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