WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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