I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
