either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
