im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
