hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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