im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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