As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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