Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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