i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
