Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
