how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
