Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
