So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
