Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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