i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
