just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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