this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
