We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
