I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You can't special order awesome
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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