dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize