we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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