I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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