I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
