i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
