the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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