um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
