when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
