Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Acid is not a monday night drug
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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