White coat. Heels.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
