hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
