FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have feelings that need drinking.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
