Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize