Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
