I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
