So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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