If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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