Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
