he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
