I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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