We won't sleep together?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i barfeds in our rink
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
