How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
