My sheets look like a crime scene.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
