i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
