I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
