My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She said her name was "party"
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
