too bad you live with your parents still
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
