My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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