I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
