Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
