I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
