Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
