i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
