woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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