Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
