I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
