i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You made out with two different species that night
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
