I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
