We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize