I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
should my penis look like a turkey
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I want her autograph on my taint
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
