god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Having a random hookup so left but love u
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
