Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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