so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
