I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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