you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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