I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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